The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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