Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
