and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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