You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
