You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
