Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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