I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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