I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
