In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
