his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
