I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize