Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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