"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
He kissed a someone with a penis
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
