im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
