I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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