Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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