i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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