You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
