You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
i think im in europe. pls send help
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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