you have to choose: penises or morals?
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
