just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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