oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Randomize
