OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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