quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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