I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
