I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
