I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
