I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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