3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
