dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
it glows. i had to have it.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
