So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
