Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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