My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
