Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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