id be glad to
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
