I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize