I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
