Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
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