I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
