Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
