I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
