well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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