I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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