the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Four minutes until I can fart!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
BRING THE BAGELS
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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