Dual....:-)
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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