Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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