dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Randomize
