What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
