Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
