Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
