I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
how drunk are you?
Several
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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