kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
