addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
