I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
