Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
