In the future we'll all be gay
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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