I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize