How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So vagazzling was a success
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
