So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Terrible idea I love it
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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