I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
