Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
True strength comes from lack of pants
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
