so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Randomize
