New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize