Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
