I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My vagina just recognized that song.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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