Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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