Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
